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The Google Generation

If ONLY. If only some nun or some son of a gun had asked me what I did for fun: I went through school, through college and through some life. My list of fun…..Long. But no such question was put to me. My favourite fun thing: (Advisable to Hold your breath here) Cultivate my underarm hair, Curl it, Braid it and Bow it. Definitely would have breezed through Harvard. And The Dean of admissions would have loved it.

THe GOOgle GAGGle

At the work place I hang out with the Google Generation. I like to call them that coz for better part of their lives Mama Google has suckled them.
Imagine Life without Google!

But I have been weaned on a healthier diet of Doordarshan before I gorged on the alien Star TV and the Newsage.(Very much like the Iceage- all that information kind of smothers you and buries you.)
For foreign affairs on DD, I was treated to the suave stuck record Prannoy Roy with his “Good evening and welcome to the world this week’’. He never let go of that line ever.
And the entertainment dosage of Chitrahaar and those woeful three- day dirges after a nut kicked the bucket, turned me into kind of a tone- deaf musical expert. Siddhartu Basu’s “Quiz Time” was absolutely educative- had the same debilitating effect as watching a Mr Bean marathon show- only back then, it was me who was getting dumber and dumber with each episode.

What the Goolge Gaggle do for Fun

They like to make money, more money and more money. They no drink, no smoke. They just work.
And love? The dudes tell me: “We in love all the time.” (Love don’t cost a thing…..that’s a song dude.)
And preferences: Women with primordial tastes: Tent like salwar kameez. No make up. Hair sprouting from the upperlip and long sideburns. (Babe you are gorgeous)
And Kaavya Vishwanathan’s forearms are just delicious.

Those glossy chicks in mags and on TV-“not our kind”.

Fun on Google. Check it out. It aint fun.

Do a Google search on fun. It will throw up “fun brain”- some educational game that they call fun. There is also a site called Funology- The science of having fun. And other Blah….
We probably will soon see columns and episodes called Funoscope- the appropriate fun thing one should do each day- something like the daily Horrorscope.

Remember "How Opal Mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life" By Kaavya Viswanathan

This Opal chick is a perfect example of the Google Gen. Opal applies to Harvard and at the interview the Dean of Admissions looks through her long imPRESSive resume of high grades- straight As, community work, boring presidential roles and asks: “What do you do for FUN?”

Uh. Ugh.The Opal chick has no clue. So she is given six months to discover fun and reapply to Harvard.

Since she is destined for Harvard from the time she was in her mother’s womb, Papa Mehta and Mama Mehta roll up their sleeves and pitch in. Anything to get their “beta” Opal into Harvard-. So the PLAN Of ACTION is - to Get noticed, get kissed and get wild. Whatever. Papa and Mama and Goldibeta take notes, read vogue, watch soaps and create a website planning in detail how Opal beta should get a life. HOWGAL (How Opal will get a life is the Keyword.) “Go on Kiss”, “but don’t get felt up” Papa and mama say> “Just for Harvard beta.” “Work that magic!”

Cheatcodes

Any normal human being, who plays computer games, likes to outwit the computer programmed formidable opponent at some point in time. And cheatcodes are dependable. The best cheatcodes, available on google, catapult the player into GODMODE giving the player absolute invincibility. This Kaavya kid did just that. She cheated and floated into GOD Mode- and assumed she was in absolute control.

As critic I am now in GODMODE. How- I –love- this.

Irony is a bitch! You bet! Opal pretends to be an Haute Bitch to be cool and to be accepted. For the reason she badly, she badly wants to be in Harvard. But her hideous deceptive ways are revealed and isn’t it sweet that almost in similar fashion the author’s real life too unfolds.

But I must admit I loved Kaavya’s Haute Bitchez gang. SMOKIN!!!! She has created perfect stereotypical characters. It is the wannabe bitch Opal that sours into a goody-goody bore in the end. The Opal genius runs out on her graduation ceremony to solve the Fermeculi Formula. Eureka! It would have been perfect if she had leapt out of the bathtub. But her imagination is a wee bit banal there. She fails to graduate from geekdom. And Forever must she stay there.

The narrative weaves in and out of several books giving it depth and substance. (Other GODmode critics have pointed that out.) That’s the way to go girl.
How many Mills and Boons did you read girl, to perfect these lines: “…
…steadying me against him, and kissed me back fiercely. His hands slid from my elbows to cup the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair, and his lips on mine were cool…..”

Yes. She does need to improve her skills in plagiarizing. Regular practice and diligent copy writing in four lined notebooks will definitely transport her to the highest realm of cool infamy.
Just work at it kid. You just may win the Booker.

Psst….
I did enjoy the book.

Comments

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